The UNPREDICTED Day, the day He is MARRIED

love is unexpected..human’s love is unpredictable.. everything that you’ve hoped for just by one look is destroyed… i don’t know what my heart feels does it really hurt or am I just making things up.. or does my mind just wanted me to feel what I should feel… I really don’t know..but one thing that I’m sure of is that I have really hoped for him.. I was always waiting.. always… always… now that I think about it.. I’ve always liked him.. in fact I was in love with him.. from the very start.. From  the beginning.. these memories that are hazy but still those feelings linger deep inside me still.. i wish that this never happened.. I have always love you 'A'.. I always have.. for the past 10 years.. maybe that time we were just kids.. but did you know that it was the first time that I’ve ever felt like this towards someone.. the feeling that you get when you just don’t know why you heart beats strange.. really strange like it has its own mind.. That it suffocates you… have you ever think that what you do to people will build memories… I remember them all 'A'.. all.. every single damn thing that you’ve done to me… everything 'A'.. everything… I waited and waited.. till it hurt so much , untill my heart ache so much, I feel that its tearing my insides apart… I’ve dreamed of how I get to hold youre hand.. smile at you.. look deeply into your eyes.. spend the time with you.. I even dreamed about us spending the rest of our lives together.. going to church together.. having  family.. how I dreamed how you’ll look like when you’re old, how I will still love you till the ends of my days.. .. I dreamed all of these with you.. with only you.. 

Love Hurts

love hurts, life goes on.... take chances, afraid to, lose that chance, lost in time, forgotten heart, written book, listed memories..smiling, skies are blue, the aurora, valley of flowers, soft warm breeze the sunny beach, lovely food... but in the loud vibrant lively environment the heart is still silent, one that it still keep, tightly it clenched to that feeling, that one string that's torn and worn out through passing time, the face appeared... memories resurface,the heart starts recognizing, feelings once again rushing in... current one started to stand still to feel the floating memories... butterflies, fireflies, laughter, cold fingers, clenched fist, weak steps, lingering touch.. she realise, he was never let go... hearts are flying, happy joyful moments for the one, standing on the other side with open arms, eyes that are full of hope.. thunders heard...dark and white clouds... lighting struck... rain... stilled heart, it slowly crippled because of the fake hope..because of that fake smile, that fake love.... empty rivers, empty sea, empty heart, slowly it started to sink, wounded, struck down, pain filled tears, pain started to fill the empty heart...the empty heart that was preserve for that purpose, slowly fades its colour, the pain started to take over..

how can you do that..? why on earth did you not realise..? why..? please why..? don't you know that first card that i gave you, i was so nervous that i could not sleep well.. was it lovely..? i gave you that so you can notice me.. see me.. talk to me.. what am i to you really, why did you make me remember all the things you did for me.. that it made me memories with you.. if I was like her or her or her.. i would've told you earlier....am i too late to tell you that i have loved you over a decade..people notice.. they know... you.. why..? can you please, please, please, please say something about me.. this heart was shut tight because of you..because it was for you.. for you all this time.. it endured through time, pain, trial.. but still it looks for you only.. how can i move on when i'm still in love for you.. 

waiting week (^@^)

Its been roughly 2 months entering sophomore year and..... time passes really quick =( this week i had 2 midterm exams, next week i have 1, 2 week after i have 3, 4 week after again 1 more then 7th week its the finals(uuuuwwwaaaaa) ....and thats the exams, minus the tests, quizzes, presentation, assignment (individual assingment even have group assg(WHAT!!??) )~~~ (BIG sigh ), not even close to freedom, there are  festivals to organize(meeting1+meeting2+meeting3+...meetingN, let N be any number  ( T-T ) i'm nearly tearless~~ )  , things to sell & MORE,  all the things that people avoided the most, me, I merrily join and volunteered (What was I thinking !!??( @#$%!@# ) no use regreting now (T_T) ).... every day i mess up things (why~~~~~) , didn't even wake up early again, what happen to me this semester?? everything seems to be not right......(   T  _  T   )...............but whatever it is i have to be responsible for my own actions (t-t), have to keep going, \(^o^)/ what I  need now is some motivations(motivation please~~~!!)  really need some of the 'never give up' 'just keep fighting' inspirational things in any kind... it's like i'm dehydrated by the stress and pressure of work piling....but the only one thing that keep me from breaking down is my family, Thank you mom, dad, & little bros.. i am so bless to have such a wonderful family.. for now they are my motivations.. just have to keep myself motivated no matter what right??.. okay then off to the pilings of work (T_T) (sigh~~ )

I miss ♥♥♥

Time passes so quickly.. I have't blog anything up til now. i miss my days where i can write on my little book while staring at the blank sky.. i miss how i can close my eyes and worry nothing but to wait for any house chores.. i miss spending the evening talking and gossipping with my mum on the house porch.. i even miss arguing with her hehe.. ^____^  and I miss all of my TEDDIES at home~~~ they're the only one who i can tell any of my secrest too... :) i hope they still stay fluffy and cuddly as always, i miss hugging them~~~ even though I can't rewind those precious times, I thank God because everyday He gives me new precious memories.. :) i admit i changed a lot, but I'm still me.. I'm still my fathers daughter, I still love baking cakes, still love dancing, and I LOVE food more hehe.. :) plus i have a new hobby -whistling- heehee I whistle a lot here in my dorm.. yesss I'm the one making all the annyoing sound my dorm friends.. muahaaahaaa~~ sory if it's bothering you always.. I can't help it, since i love singing and I can't sing  cause i'll make more annoying noise so I whistle instead hahaa.. :) 

It was just like last week i was in my early freshmen year, now.. tomorrow is my last exam paper for negotiation skill subject, then after that i'm FREE ( summer break, even though here summer is all year around, but we can say it's our summer break ) for 2 months before becoming a sophomore student.. :)

REAL thing is that it's tough learning engineering courses..but i manage to survive, I 'm still breathing and thinking straight~~ Thank God.. :) 

An Amazing Achievement.. :)

  In my Heart I scream joyously. In my Heart I feel the rush of excitement. At that moment, I can hear only my Heart, I see only my past. I feel the sense of satisfaction. In my Heart I feel the warm Love. I am overwhelmed. I am so Humbly Grateful for what I have been given. The Happy thoughts flashes through my mind like a rolling Film.  Breakthrough of once an unheard existence. (^_____^) what a wonderful life God has given me now.. All Praises To our Savior King.. =)

Naruto :)

once again i'm caught in my anime craze :) i've spend my semester break watching this anime Naruto heehee.. :) but as for me its woth it..:)

( NARUTO )

one thing for sure i learn something useful from that is to never give up.. even when you feel like there is no hope left..:) you cannot achieve something great if you don't put effort into it plus practice and training is important for self improvement and in building self confidence.. :) 

great anime that you will learn a lot of things.. definitely recommended.. :) 

my life now .. =)

=) Home Sweet Home at Last.. \(^o^)/ .. my semester break is on and the exams are over.. :) i did my very best   in each paper, and with  His Wisdom and strength that He gave me i went through it with no regrets.. :) THANK YOU GOD for everything i am.. :) i am not the best student or the smart one or any other person that people want me to be. But I AM WHO I AM and i'm grateful and thankful for i was custom made, uniquely just one me.. :) I'm so happy to be me.. :)

My first semester as a freshman student is over.. :) can't wait for the second semester. i know it's going to be hectic than my first semester, no time to take my full beauty sleep  (hehe), eating + running to next class.. :) life will be more interesting, got more taste to what college life is about.. :) cause now i'm not in transition mode anymore.. i'm in my college life. CHEERS for COLLEGE LIFE.. :)

I have become best friends with 5 of my course mates.. =D and they sure are the herbs and spices of my everyday life.. :) to me they are Peppermint, Cinnamon, Chili pepper, Saffron and Thyme... =) Each with different taste, smell and character.. every single one of them is special and i'm Happy to have them in my life.. :)

My room is on the fourth floor with no elevator and with hundreds of stairs, on top of that its on the highest hill again with only stairs... but at least it's very big and had a lot of space for all of my things.. :)  plus it has a great view of the city and from the balcony the view is breathtaking as i can see the Highest mountain on southeast Asia, Mt. Kinabalu.. soo lucky indeed :) and one of the advantage for me is that i can get a lot of exercise and could lose some extra weight.. heehee.. =D My room mates are very Good people.. :) they help me a lot in adapting to this new life.. :) we share many stories and experience, tears and laughter also.. :)  i've learned a lot from the people around me.. :) i've seen their stories, i've felt their feelings, i've taste the sweet and bitter side of life.. and i know that my life that i've live up to now is More to come... and i'm learning and preparing to FACE whats ahead of me..

I've realised ONE Important Thing in my life that is my FAITH.... i believe not with what i see, not with what i feel, but by faith I BELIEVE in YOU ALONE.. i'm learning to give up my life everyday to MY GOD.. so i may live fully for Him and for me in Him...your life now is your one and only chance to live your calling that God had put in your heart..  i learn to believe in my heart for GOD is alive in me... :) i am so ever grateful for you my saviour.. \(^-^)/

i'm enjoying my holiday, even if its full of house chores + reading + baking + movies & dramas + living.. :) i'm still HAPPY and excited.. =)